vent sesh: graduation

Our little girl graduates Pre-K this week. I’ve joked that my biggest fear is leaving the house by 7:30 am  to take her to Kindergarten come August (actually, not a joke, serious fear), however more importantly, the idea that this girl has a baby going to elementary school is freaking me out.

Where did the time go? Wasn’t I just graduating college? Wait, wasn’t I just dancing in my dorm room pre-partying before a late night out? It’s insane to think that was 15 years ago, and that our daughter being born was five and a half years ago.

My emotions are all over the place. She’s my little baby. My little girl. Ok, she makes me want to scream, pull my hair out and say bad words. And, she makes me never want to let her go. She’s getting so tall that it’s getting harder to hold when when she falls asleep in the car or the couch, and, now — this is a big one — she started calling me mom.

MOM.

What happened to mommy? I don’t like mom, which by the way, is always said with that tone. You know the tone. I’ve said it with a tone over the years to my mom (sorry, mom!). I want to hang on to being called mommy for as long as she can. Sometimes it still happens… I love the moments where she knows she’s trying to woo me, cuddles up into my lap and says “mommy, I love you so much. You’re the best mommy in the whole world.” I know she wants something but I’ll take it.

I love our post-dinner kitchen dance parties. At what age will she think my dance moves embarrass her? Because our dances are pretty awesome.  She even told me yesterday that my moves were better than hers. <talk about exciting… it’s tough to get a compliment from this chick some days!>. I think she was just excited I was willing to do so many lifts and dips to her.

On Sunday, she’ll officially be a Pre-K graduate. She’ll be ready for uniforms and big kids and real desks and attendance and all that stuff. All the good, and the bad, and the scary, and the joyous.

This MOM is freaking. I’m definitely one of those women who doesn’t feel defined by being a mom, but lately, this feels like a lot to soak in. Five years gone in a blink. I spent some time last night, in true #tbt fashion, by going through photos on my computer of the last few years. It’s incredible to see the fun we’ve had over the years (oh, and the photos she’ll hate me for taking! Mama has got to have black mail).

I feel blessed that for the most part each age has in many ways been better than the last. But I know it ebbs and flows because the teenage years seem damn scary. I already get glimpses into that when she doesn’t want to wake up, when she makes snarky comments or when she doesn’t listen to a word I’ve said.

While I’ll be a daughter forever, when did this life cycle happen?

To all the moms going through it, be it Pre-K, kindergarten, 5th grade, 8th grade, high school, college, and post college, cheers to you, cheers to us! It’s an incredible feat and a testament to you as a mom that they’ve made it! On to the next journey….