Welcome to the latest TAGG Vent Sesh. Missed it? Read on for the latest post.
I’ve alluded to this in the past but it was buried at the bottom of a deep post. Most of you know that, via a blog post a few months back, that I cannot have more children due to health issues resulting just after my first pregnancy (though most likely unrelated). It’s heartbreaking and something I struggle with daily, moreso lately. I swear there are baby bumps everywhere, adorable little onesies and delicious newborns. That said, I’m learning that the rudest question to me or anyone else is: “When are you having a baby” or “When are you guys going to have another one?” Umm, better question in return… what the hell is it your business??
Now, let me take a step back because I am sure there is someone reading this thinking that I asked them this once before. And, I probably have. Yet now I know the heartbreak this must cause and am so apologetic. Women who struggle to conceive, who cannot conceive or don’t see a baby in their life plan are all burdened by this. Why should we have to answer that question? And then, what’s the right answer? No one actually wants to hear the answer unless I tell them we’re trying soon. The real answer is not as pleasant.
This conversation came up during an engagement party last weekend as we chatted with the mr. and mrs.-to-be and a newlywed-ish couple. Both are getting this question, and it makes them feel so uncomfortable.
A similar question should be held back from those in long-term relationships. You know which one?? While I’m sometimes dying to ask “Sooo, when are you getting married?” I now know I shouldn’t. Some girlfriends might be secretly agonizing inside, wondering the same thing, and there are others that don’t envision getting married. The last thing anyone wants to do is put someone else in an uncomfortable situation.
Instead, let’s come up with other great questions about each other’s professions, about plans for the weekend, about styling your house, your home, how we all have way too many shoes yet have been eying a pair at Nordstrom, anything. These deeply personal questions only should be discussed when prompted or to your closest friends in a deeply caring way, not in a casual, schmooze sesh with someone you just met.
From a girl who knows the heartbreak involved, please dont ask.
UPDATE: Your comments have been incredible to read. One however pointed out how remiss I’ve been in addressing the ‘seemingly harmless’ question single women get. I thank TAGG reader, Paige, for calling me out on this because it’s true. Read this article, and then stop asking single women when they are going to see that guy again. If it’s a first date or a brand-new relationship, I’m sure many wish they know… and if they did, I’m sure they’d tell you. I remember that and how awful/frustrating that felt. Thanks again to P for leaving the comment!
Encouraing you to post more of the “never ask these questions”…