Vent Sesh: Grateful
Welcome to Vent Sesh, a place where we take a break from fashion, food, etc. to delve into some of deeper topics. I know these wonâ€™t always be the easiest posts but the connections Iâ€™ve made and the stories Iâ€™ve heard because of these make me feel like I should continue on. Itâ€™s too rare that we discuss important topics with friends and family… maybe a stranger is easier?!
Taking an abrupt turn from my last Vent Sesh being unable to conceive another baby, where I also mentioned the frustrations I felt with people telling me how ‘luckyâ€™ we were to have one, I must say that in other ways I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
I read this incredible article on 11.11.11 (really, a must read) that I totally resonated with. Itâ€™s a CNN story about a woman who 20 years ago had a stroke and while temporarily paralyzed said to herself that if she could heal, she would be more grateful, less selfish, less stressed. Yet, as time went on and she got better, she fell back in to old habits. I can relate. Many probably can.
Some of you know that less than two years ago on my 30th birthday I lay temporarily paralyzed in a hospital room (instead of at the 30th bday party I was ready to live it up at; my diagnosis). I mention this — hopefully not too often — butÂ because itâ€™s become such a defining, transformative part of my life. And, maybe because itâ€™s a reminder to myself that anything is possible.Â Today, I bring it up for a new reason. Feeling grateful.
I was in the hospital for a month, where for weeks my biggest concern was being able to move from my bed to the adjacent chair, then from the bed to the door and then down the hall… all with a walker while someone held me. They never knew if Iâ€™d fully walk again, what my life would look like. I loved to run, I moved a mile a minute.Â I had a four-month old.
I remember standing in front of my hospital room mirror three weeks in to my stay thinking how much I took for granted the simplest tasks… walking, talking, writing, peeing. IÂ stood in front of the mirror and said I must feelÂ grateful for this vesselÂ that g-d has given me, where itâ€™s taken me, the life it produced, what it has accomplished and what it has the still potential to do. I saidÂ in that moment I would never again complain or feel bad about a stupid dimple on my thigh because… it just doesnâ€™t matter.
Fast forward a year and aÂ half. Itâ€™s easy to forget the grand promises you make to yourself.
IÂ was hitÂ with all of this on Saturday night at a food and wine festival when I saw this lovely woman, probably in her late 40s, walking with a cane due to a slight limp. This could have been me. How easy it is for me to forget how far Iâ€™ve come.Â My left side is still much weaker than it was, but Iâ€™m not where I was. Not at all. I left the hospital only able to climb the stairs in my home once a day — down in the morning and up at night — and a nurse had to drive me around and stay with me all day.
Now, I own a company with two employees, have a blog thatâ€™s been a dream of mine forever (with new friends around the world!), a genius daughter, an incredible husband and the most amazing family and friends. And, I climb the stairs whenever I want.
So you know what? I have a dimple on my thigh. More than one. And, Iâ€™m not perfect. But, Iâ€™m OK with that. Because looking from where I stand… Iâ€™m a pretty grateful, lucky girl.Â
Letâ€™s always remind ourselves all that weâ€™ve accomplished… and where weâ€™re are capable of doing.