vent sesh: let me ask my husband

May 7, 2014

couple, tippy toes

All day long I make decisions. Some mundane, and others really important. For myself, for clients, for staff and for my family. I somehow get through them, often feeling confident in my decisions. I’ve also learned as a blogger to have a certain level of confidence in my decisions since it’s just me sitting on the other side of the screen. Yet, I’ve noticed that when my husband is around I can become paralyzed by indecisiveness.

What should we have for dinner?  {ok, fair enough}

Should we give Sarah water or juice? {really?!}

I’m going to order those diapers, OK? {do we really have a choice here?}

Can I take $20 out of the bank? {why even ask?}

I mean the list of absurdities goes on. I really need to write them down. Why do I go from boss at work to somehow inept decision maker at home? Perhaps after making decision after decision all day long, my brain needs a break? Not to call him out, but he also asks me some pretty silly questions. Maybe it’s not just me. We’ve been married for nearly 10 years; enough time to mostly know what the other person will answer with and yet also enough time that you want to make sure you’re on the same page.

As if I thought I was the only one feeling like I needed my guy’s opinion, last night the guy at the car dealership (needed four new tires… awesome), asked me if I wanted an alignment. I said yes. He said, “Do you need to call your husband first to ask?!” Not. even. joking. I flatly said, thanks but I’m able to make this decision on my own. Don’t need to call my husband for approval.

You can tell he felt so freaking foolish. Hopefully lesson learned.  I’ll give him the small pass that my husband initially called since I was driving at the time, but still? I just negotiated a major deal on four tires with him and now I’m going to stop to call my husband for approval on the alignment with a way smaller price tag? Killing me, sir.

It’s a slight tangent as on one hand I’m talking about my inability to make some decisions yet somehow another man seemingly didn’t think I was capable of making a big decision, particularly a financial one, on my own. Somehow they oddly came full circle for me. I was reminded I don’t need to call him for everything. I only need assistance if my daughter gets the string cheese or circle cheese… or gasp, both.

What am I doing here? Wasting time, wasting breath and effort, and potentially risking getting an answer I might not even want. Just like my weight back in the day when I was on Weight Watchers and had to write down every “BLT” {bite, lick and taste!}, I’m going to be way more conscious of how I’m minimizing myself and my ability to make a decision.

For the record, my girl is getting water. Why did I even ask (him or her?)?

 

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
  • A

    Ha. Still seems better than the alternative. At least you communicate and constantly have him on your mind and include him in things.

  • http://www.pennypincherfashion.com/ Kimberly

    Haha – when we lived in Oregon, I had a friend who would call her husband at work when she was having trouble with her kids and ask him if she should give them a time-out or how she should handle discipline. I remember thinking that was SO CRAZY! I’m all for partnership in a marriage, but we should definitely feel competent enough to handle most things on our own :)

    • Alyson

      AGREED! that would drive me crazy as well. Important to feel like we can make our own decisions, and be empowered to do so.

  • http://www.wardrobeoxygen.com/ Allie at Wardrobe Oxygen

    It’s funny, I feel I don’t include my husband often enough! Yesterday a box from Amazon came with new spring shoes for our daughter and he was frustrated because he had chatted with her about going shoe shopping together later that week. I guess it’s less asking permission and more communicating so we’re on the same page. :)

    • Alyson

      That’s so interesting. I guess your little girl wouldn’t be upset to have two new pairs of summer shoes, right? :) We tend to email during the day so I fill him in on the most random things, and vice versa.

  • Grit & Glamour™

    My mom does this and it drives me crazy. She’ll ask me what she should do regarding a recipe SHE’S cooking, or questions similar to what you listed. I think it’s because she respects my opinion, so she always asks for it. I try to help, but sometimes I’m like, “Mom, it’s YOUR recipe…how do I know?!”

    I’m sure, in a way, that’s what you are doing too. I am extremely decisive and rarely ever ask anyone what I should do about anything, unless it’s a decision that affects them. Maybe it’s also because you DO spend so much time being Super Woman, sometimes your brain needs a break from the decisions and the responsibility you have to take for making them.

    • Alyson

      It’s awesome that you are so strong like that. Maybe not “strong” but like you said, decisive. I’m quick to make decisions in some ways, and then in others, particularly when there are a lot of options, I’m useless… just get overwhelmed and want someone else to decide for me! It’s nice taking a mental vacation every once in a while.

  • Happinessatmidlife

    This is a great topic! I think I am too impulsive and drives my hubby crazy. I rarely asked him for his opinion because he is way too indecisive and it drives me crazy :) The only thing that we always ask each other is on Friday night when we can’t decide where to go for dinner.

    Alice
    http://www.happinessatmidlife.com

    • Alyson

      It’s funny how relationships work like that…. sounds like it’s a constant struggle at some level for all of us to find the balance.

  • Guest

    It’s great to be part of a team because marriage is about the unit being one. But it is also good to remember that we can make decisions and that our opinion is meaningful and important!

  • Zooey Glass

    It’s great to be part of a team because marriage is about the unit being one. But it is also good to remember that we can make decisions and that our opinion is meaningful and important! Sent by Shane.

  • Tove M Stakkestad

    It’s nice once in a while to lean on your husband for those big decisions… juice or water – i totally get it! But to the outside world you are IT – the decision maker, the bargain maker – you can do it all – well, except in the eyes of the tire-dude – but he had to learn – clearly not a married guy. I love your honesty.

Previous post:

Next post: